Supreme Mystery

What is it that I'm looking for?

I'm in search for something. Something big like the planet, something small like a diamond; something high like a mountain, something strong like a hurricane. Something massive, something profound. Something beautiful like a flower, something gentle like a baby. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I know it's something special, something sacred, something mysterious. I'm looking for something, something to fill the seeking space.

I have looked everywhere and I can't find it, I went deep and I still couldn't find it. I went east and I went west and nothing could I find. Do I have to go deeper? Do I have to scream louder? Do I have to keep going? I am looking for something, but will I find it?

Something in me insists in not giving up. Somehow it assures that it is a beautiful treasure. It is a treasure never seen before.

Is it a treasure that you're looking for? Yes, I believe it is treasure. It feels so special and so unique. I am looking for the meaning of that something. What lies between being and existing? What lies between God and men? What lies between birth and death? What lies beneath the ever existing thing?

But that something is not a thing. It cannot be seen, it cannot be touched, but it can be felt, and it kisses the soul. It is something that surpasses all understanding. It is not a he, nor a she. Not a I, not a me. But, I wonder: Am I looking for it or is it looking for me? Maybe we'll meet half way, I don't know. Sometimes it seems that it keeps pushing me. If I give up it insist in whispering in my ear, “don't give up.” And if I insist in not looking anymore, it appears disguised as a challenge, as a problem, as it is said, to grab my attention.

What is it that wants me so badly? What is that that does not give up on me, that that doesn't give rest to my soul? What is that that I'm looking for, that I feel a thirst for. What is it that I'm looking for? It seems that we don't give up on each other.

It is given different names, and yet not enough meaning. The meaning don't fully express the supremacy that lies beyond the beauty of the treasure.

But why me? Why is it after me? Who am I, to this thing that is so mysterious? It keeps playing jokes on me, keeps hiding and wanting to be found. Has numerous layouts which one leads to the perfect path. To the path where the treasure lies beautifully exposed, with sparkling lightnings, but still ever lasting to be attained. As glorious as it seems, it spreads the feeling that all effort to attain is worth it. Even though, just by staring at the radiance of it's beauty exceeds every idea of how supreme, how major it can be.

What is this that I'm so desperately looking for? It is called Love, it is called God, It is called Divine, It is called Holly. But, what is the meaning of all? How deep can it be felt? How can one bring it to freely inhabit in one's soul? Or is it in the soul that it resides? Where does it belong? Where is it meant to be? Where does it come from?

It seems like a stranger when distant, yet familiar when close. Am I seeing things my way or is the mysterious playing a trick on me? How loving, how kind that it wishes to be reached, yet sets rules to be obligingly followed. Faith takes me there, faith wants me there. But I'm lost and confused and that brings a barrier between me and it. What is it that I'm looking for?

I feel lost in this continuous search, and yet can't cease to go after it. It insists to be found, it's like it wants to express, and to emerge through me. But, what is it that it wants to express? Why is it willing to emerge through me? It grabs my attention when I'm connected, giving me a glance of peace, but brings unease when I'm distracted from its presence. It appears to be jealous, not willing to share me with anything. What is it that's not willing to let me go? Has it betoken me as his belonging? Am I willing for it to release me, or am I immersed in this profoundness that has wrapped me in its pure love.

Its presence seem to emerge, almost as if to reveal itself. But it chooses to be a mystery, so to be special. It chooses grace in the middle of the silence, it whispers gently like in love. It spreads peace through the stillness of space, and perfumes its path with the essence of it's grace. Flowers blossoming, spreading their lovely aroma and bringing the affirmation of life, where life is beyond all that is real, all that exists, and surpassing all understanding. It keeps confirming its everlasting presence by its enlightened energy. Spreading glimpse of peace where ever it passes, like the wind in its calm breeze. Distributing hope on an outlook of the sweetness of life, smiling gracefully to what really is.

What is it that I'm looking for? I can't see it, I can't touch it, but in a strange way I can clearly feel it. I can feel this unique presence that seem so rich and so profound. And I'm willing to go deeper to get hold of this enlightened treasure. It seems to be all that is whole, all that is opened to the Aha moment. Concealed with its full immenseness, glowing like an imaginary angel. If it allows me to describe, then it will emerge through me to define its majesty.

It brings its presence like a shooting star, proving its omnipotence. Revealing a life so different than what is lived, so opposite of what is felt. Almost showing the secret of life, that which is indescribable in words. It leaves the “mysteries” to be uncovered. I keep my search, and still ask myself, “what is it that I'm looking for?”

In each thought, in each question lies almost the answer, but still not clear, still not revealed, it's just an idea. I'm in search for real answers, not in words because those are diverse, but an answer that will assure my whole being with an enlightened presence that will confirm everything in just one moment. Confirming my existence and why it unceasingly follows me. I am attracted to its energy, even though unknowing its majesty. What is it that I'm looking for?

I ask myself, will it ever reveal it self fully, or does its glory lie in the enigma of time? Its supremacy is what turns existence a mystery. It knows its purpose. And since I am far from understanding its magnificence, my only chance is to keep searching deeply, knowing that its glorious being surpasses every explanation, every meaning, every revelation. All that it is is not to be understood, but to be felt. And that is where the mystic of all lies. How strong does it feel? And I keep asking what is it that I'm looking for, that can only be felt but not touched. Does it exist deep within me? Does it exist in my thoughts? Where in me can I find it?

It is an on going search, carving for the real meaning of all. Trying to understand what it wants to reveal, what it wants me to know. Speculations, that's all I have. But, what is it that I'm looking for? What is it that wants to reveal its identity individually? I am searching for something that wants to reveal itself, and I can feel it calling almost as calling my name. But, in some way I am stopping it from initiating its transcendence through me. What am I afraid of? What am I doing that interferes with its transaction? Or, does it have impositions for its pure energy to come forth? Despair clenches to old habits and confuses all interaction. Maybe with awareness it may disperse.

In trying to understand it, I seem to push it away. It exceeds logic. It doesn't need understanding, but wills to be accepted. Its tremendousness is complete with all that is desired, with all that I wish for. It resides in great abundance, it exhibits true and pure love, it surpasses joy and happiness. Its magical in my mind, yet I cannot describe it. Its beauty incorporates all available colours, mixed in a roll of sparkling lightning, exhaling supreme power of all possibilities. I'm trying to control my imagination and to feel it's presence instead, but fear hinders, for a moment, I'm scared to lose it. It brings assurance that it is available whenever I fearlessly surrender to its supremacy. I fight fear and for a moment it takes control, until I resist no more and let the superior entity take control. With no doubt as impediment, it transcends any imagination and surpasses any understanding.

To be continued...
Next Book.